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Good News/Bad News! - "You didn't hear about the polar bear?"
April 11th, 2006
04:58 pm

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Good News/Bad News!
The good news is: they offered me a job!!! The pay is good, and, although they wouldn't let me wait until after June 3, they have me an extra week over the other alternative, so I would start on May 8. That means I have almost 4 weeks - and I'll need them!

The bad news is: I have to leave Indy and my house, and I am really going through a grieving period here. Damn. It's hit me like a brick wall. Sorry to sound so down, but it's going to be hard to let go of my free time, and to let go of Indy. So, I'll leave you with the top 10 things I'll miss about Indianapolis, and follow up with rambling thoughts that you should feel free to skip:

Things I'll miss about Indy:

My house and garden - I cannot imagine anything more perfect for me, seriously

It's easy to get tickets for, and go to concerts (Birdy's, The Vogue, Music Mill, Egyptian Room), many of which are in Broad Ripple, where I live

The Indianapolis Arts Center in Broad Ripple - they just finished it, and it's beautifully landscaped, and I take my camera classes there

A (few) favorite restaurants: India Garden, Belgian Place, Jimmy John's - *G*

The Indianapolis Soldiers and Sailors Monument - I loved it the moment I saw it. *sigh*

Little downtown Indy - it's so cute and wee! Everything in one little package.

Landmark Fine Arts Cinema - modern and has great movies, and just opened

My friends, Wendy and Dom - they've been truly great, and I hate leaving them

Central location - only 3 hours from most places, like Chicago, Columbus, any place in Indiana, not far to St. Louis, Detroit, or Louisville, right between Purdue and Indiana University

Ritchey Woods - Finally, I found a place to photograph! And this spring has been wonderful. *S*

The size: I can actually call and talk to the DJ at the radio station. Really. You don't feel quite so overwhelmed by the masses of people as you do up in Chicago. I've actually run into people I know at concerts (how likely is that?). It's not a small town - more like a small city - but it's still small enough to feel like you can get involved in things and make a difference. I'll miss that in Chicago. And as for concerts: The Subdudes tix for their performance in Indy have been on sale here for AGES, and they go on stage tomorrow, but I bought tix just yesterday anyway. On the other hand, Snow Patrol just went on sale Saturday morning, but I had the workshops. When I remembered and tried to get a ticket on Sunday - no luck. All gone! And this was at the Vic, which is pretty big. And going into Chicago for a concert is much more of a hassle then going to the places here.

When I left Chicago, I comforted myself with the knowledge that there would be certain advantages - like the ones above - but it still took a while to find the things I really liked about Indy, because it was still strange to me. So, here I am, liking them now... and I have to go. And it's also been enough time that it's going to take me a while to re-like the Chicago area - because it IS congested, messy, old, and broken down in parts, and it's so big that it's easy to get lost in. And I won't be able to buy a house like this in Chicago. Houses like this, in this kind of neighborhood, will be outside of my buying power. I do hope I can find a place I love, and I'm so lucky to have gotten to live here, and haven't taken it for granted. I hope whoever I sell it to loves it and takes good care of it.

Again, guys, sorry to sound so downbeat, but - I am!

So, why am I doing this? That's what I'm trying to think through as I decide whether or not to accept when I call them back tomorrow.

I'm 46. I can't live on my severance, which would allow me to stay in this house, for more than 2 years (including this year). I could try to retire at 55, but the financial returns are much greater if I can wait until 65 - so I need a job for at least the next 10 years, possibly 20. I have a PhD in Analytical Chemistry, which was hell to get, and a very valuable commodity that I hate to throw away; plus, there are a lot of aspects to the work that I really enjoy. I could try to get a job in that area here, but "here" is pretty much Lilly, where I worked, and where I won't/can't return. There may be a few other small pharmaceutical companies here, but the chances that they'd have an opening at my level are pretty slim, and they're unknown quantities. I'm wishing now, though, that I had looked into them - but I wasn't really looking for a job yet.

I wanted to spend this year looking into photography as a possible job. But, although I believe I can learn the technique, I'm realizing that what I suspected earlier is true: I'm not a natural at portrait photography. *G* You really need to be a bit of a salesman, a bit of a people person, a bit of a makeup artist, and so forth, to be good at this. You need to have a gift for making the subject comfortable, and I'm just a little too analytical for that, I believe! I tend to like to go someplace and "find" neat things to photograph. It's very different to start with a subject and have to know exactly what you want to do. I learned a lot this weekend, but I still felt so shy with the models that I babbled idiotically and couldn't wait for my turn to be over - *L*! Whereas, if this was nature photography, they'd have to rip me away from the subject. *G*

So, suddenly this opportunity presents itself, before I've reached the point in my other two options (a different analytical job in Indy, or start up a a photography business in Indy) that would allow me to stay here. And it really looks like a perfect job for me. Keep in mind that, as an analytical chemist at my level, I would probably make 3 times the money I would make as a portrait photographer. Not that I need a LOT of money, but it would have been hard going to make sure I could afford the house and personal health insurance, and still be comfortable. And that's IF I could get the business going and healthy. So I'd be crazy to turn down this job, which is positive and exciting and supportive and has people I like... but, god, I don't know if I can do the corporate thing again! What if I don't like it?

Again, sorry, guys... just really feeling conflicted right now! Here's hoping the feeling goes away.

(35 comments | Leave a comment)

Comments
 
[User Picture]
From:hobbitgrrl
Date:April 11th, 2006 09:52 pm (UTC)
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No need to apologize, it's your journal! :) Congrats on getting the job, and I definitely understand trying to think things out... it's never easy to move cities (as most of my friends who graduated last year are realizing). You're the kind of person who I know will make the best of your surroundings! :) *hugs*
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From:rosamundeb
Date:April 11th, 2006 10:00 pm (UTC)
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*S* Thank you so much!!!

And I forgot to add that, by going to Chicago, at least I'll be closer to my LOTR friends there!!! *G* Hmmm... wonder if one of those friends can get me a personal backstage tour of the museum... *L*!

Hey, I stopped at a roadcut between Indy and Bloomington that's famous for geodes. Thought of you! They're there, but they have to be hammered out of the limestone. Anyway, if you're ever in that area, make sure I give you directions to where it is, in case you want to check it out.
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From:ninquelosse
Date:April 11th, 2006 10:00 pm (UTC)
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My first thought upon hearing about the job prospect admittedly was "But the house!" I know how much you love it, and with reason.

I don't know what else to say except I hope something 'clears' and you're able to make a decision that makes you happy.

*hugs*
*tea*
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From:rosamundeb
Date:April 12th, 2006 12:32 am (UTC)
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*L*! I'm so glad you understand. I'm feeling a bit better now - and thanks for the tea and hugs!

You know what? I only just realized that now I'll be able to see YOU! But a couple of seconds later, I realized that you'd mentioned possibly moving; is that still in the air?
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From:anonypooh
Date:April 11th, 2006 10:09 pm (UTC)
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AWWW ...still... many congratulations!!

Now do the "10 Things You Miss About Chicago" or
"10 Things I'm looking forward to again in Chicago" .. you said before you were doing pros and cons - and Chicago is only 3 hours from Indy the other way too! Wendy and Dom visits on good concert weekends?!:D!!

Good luck with your decision... keep us posted xxxx

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From:rosamundeb
Date:April 12th, 2006 12:35 am (UTC)
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*L*! Just did. It's still a bit hard, but I'm feeling a bit better. Damn... too bad you never got to see my place! Would have loved for you to have seen it. *S* And thanks.
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From:fangirlsays
Date:April 11th, 2006 10:29 pm (UTC)
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*hugs* Like Pooh said, it's not so far away in Chicago, right? That's not to say that you shouldn't feel a bit sad about leaving where you've been so happy, of course -- I definitely get that. I hope more positive things about Chicago will start coming to mind soon. *more hugging*
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From:rosamundeb
Date:April 12th, 2006 12:36 am (UTC)
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Thanks! *S* You're right, of course. *hugs*
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From:aeb
Date:April 11th, 2006 10:40 pm (UTC)
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{bite lips, HUGS SQUEEZE, BIG SQUEEZE, GREAT BIG SQUEEZE, GREAT BIG LONG TIGHT SQUEEZE, GREAT BIG LONG TIGHT ROCKING SQUEEZE}

You'll do fine, whatever you decide. I just know you will. {smile, SQUEEZE}

Anne Elizabeth Baldwin
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From:rosamundeb
Date:April 12th, 2006 12:36 am (UTC)
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Thanks, Anne! *S*
(Deleted comment)
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From:rosamundeb
Date:April 12th, 2006 12:37 am (UTC)
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Good point - now I'll have somebody to squee with when a Lij, Sean, Dom or Billy movie comes out! *G*
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From:tootsiemuppet
Date:April 12th, 2006 12:13 am (UTC)
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I agree with Pooh's proposal. Make another list of things you'll be happy to return to. *hugs you tight* I know it's not fun leaving a place you love, honey.

:( I wish I could be more helpful.
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From:rosamundeb
Date:April 12th, 2006 12:38 am (UTC)
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Your thoughts are always helpful... and I know you're going through it, too! Hope you're finding some things you love about the town you're in now. Thanks.
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From:arevanye
Date:April 12th, 2006 12:27 am (UTC)
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All this thinking out loud is a good thing, Roz, and it sounds like you are keeping a steady head on your shoulders over this decision. While photography would be a stretch, and exciting and different, you might not be able to live on the proceeds when you're 80! But doing the chemist thing until your retirement will guarantee that you'll have that financial freedom when you need it most.

Chicago is a GREAT town. I *love* that city, and am sad about moving further away from it. Did I ever tell you that my grandma worked for the architect back in the 1930's that built the Adler Planetarium? She typed up all the specs for that building, all that lovely granite work, and the zodiac carvings. She worked in the Marina Towers, back when they were new. *sigh* I'll always hold Chicago special, and now it will be more special because you'll be there to visit!

I'm sorry to hear how hard it will be for you to tear yourself away from your house. I feel your pain. I think no one will ever appreciate my garden the way I do. :(
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From:rosamundeb
Date:April 12th, 2006 12:39 am (UTC)
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Really? That's a cool building (the Adler) - and Marina Towers! *G* Yep, they were the hot spot to be!

*sigh* Gardens are the worst, aren't they? Because you put so much into it. But the earth still appreciates it, no matter what. (((hugs)))
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From:quiet_moments
Date:April 12th, 2006 02:36 am (UTC)
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Congratulations on the job! I am just sorry that I never got to see your house in Indy! I had always hoped to get there and see it, visit you, etc. Oh well, Chicago is still close enough! And I am sure once you get back there and settled in, you will be happy once again! :) *hugs*
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From:rosamundeb
Date:April 12th, 2006 03:49 pm (UTC)
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Thank you!

And, hey, it's never too late. *S* In fact... I'm hoping that either "On a Clear Day" or "Marilyn Hotchkiss" will open up this weekend here - maybe even both! So, think about it.
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From:abandonada
Date:April 12th, 2006 05:09 am (UTC)
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I'm glad the company made you an offer! That's a vote of confidence. Now you get to decide the next step. A tough choice.

Totally off-topic: Did you benefit from the photography class this weekend? You said you weren't wild about the "people" part but did you learn stuff?
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From:rosamundeb
Date:April 12th, 2006 04:06 pm (UTC)
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Thank you! *S* And I did decide and say yes. *G*

Absolutely!!!!!!! The first day was on ambient light, and the second on studio lights. But, since the poses and use of the light were the same, they re-inforced each other.

Basically, I learned the lighting and pose that you see in 95% of all portraits, why it's good, and how it still looks different every time you use it. In fact, it's this:



What makes this great is:

The lighting - It's directional (from the side), but diffuse. In fact, it's probably ambient light from a North-facing window (as I'm sure you're familiar with).

The angle - I've long known about using this light, but always had the person facing it, and then me facing them straight on as much as possible. The better way to use it is to have the person at a 45 degree angle, and facing the light just enough so that their face is lit, up to and including the far eye, but no further. Leave the far ear and far side of the head in shadow. Position yourself at 45 degrees to the person (or 90 degrees to the window). Have the person look at you WHILE KEEPING THEIR FACE TURNED TO THE WINDOW. Yes, this feels goofy, but look at the result. The eyes have that lovely glint in the corner, and the face has a beautiful light on it.

The body pose - He's been asked to lean forward, which makes his face and eyes even larger with respect to his body, which is appealing and slimming.

The camera settings - Yes, you may have to go to 400 or 800 with this, and possibly use a tripod, but with digital, that doesn't hurt the final result.


Whew! Now, if you use studio lighting, you just put the light over at an angle to get the same effect. Plus there's more you can do with additional lights, etc. but - that's the gist of it. Of course, it helped a lot to see it and do it. If you're curious, go to www.kipmay.com, click on the left on "for other photographers", and watch the slideshows. Beautiful. *S*

Plus, Kip was such a positive and giving guy that it was just a wonderful experience. AND - his studio? A one-car converted garage. Really. It was great to see that that could be done!
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From:freakspawn
Date:April 12th, 2006 08:09 am (UTC)
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Well congratulations anyway, on getting the job. It sounds like it is a really good one :)

Of course upping sticks and moving again is bound to be a difficult thing to consider, it's been such a short space of time since you did it last, hopefully you can find a wonderful abode in Chicago that will help the move!

With your photography, I can't see you not carrying on and learning more and more, it's such a passion for you, but don't think that just because you've been to one class with models that that makes you not a people person, you have to start somewhere :D
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From:rosamundeb
Date:April 12th, 2006 04:08 pm (UTC)
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Thank you! "upping sticks" - *S* - that's got to be a Britishism - *G*.

Thanks for the encouragement; I really appreciate it!
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From:knitting_hobbit
Date:April 12th, 2006 02:21 pm (UTC)
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Awwww, honey - I can't tell you how sad for you I am that you'll be leaving your beautiful house. I sometimes feel similar about Green Bay, although it's much smaller than Indy - always easy to get around, get tickets, cheaper to live, etc.

But... I hope this helps at least a wee bit... you'll be back on more familiar ground (?), you'll be near Tig *G* and other ponypals, & it sounds like you won't be worried about financial stuff.
I'm probably very unqualified to talk about corporate life, but I did do 11 years of temping and it seemed to me that the quality of corporate life depended on the environment at each individual corporation. Plus, you are so good with people!! Just my take on those things.

Also, to be totally selfish... in Chicago you'll be easier for me to visit! (LOL)
Anyway, (((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))))) I hope the move goes very well.
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From:knitting_hobbit
Date:April 12th, 2006 02:23 pm (UTC)
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Oh, and I also wanted to say (how could i forget? - blame it on lack of coffee)... Ninq and family will be overjoyed to see you, and I'm guessing that you'll find another lovely Smial to live in. Wherever you live is cozy because it's the Ros-Abode. :-)
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From:psyknife
Date:April 12th, 2006 05:17 pm (UTC)
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We should throw you a big "welcome back" party... or picnic... or gathering of sorts.
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From:rosamundeb
Date:April 12th, 2006 05:20 pm (UTC)
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"...or thing"... *G* Thanks!
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