Just sitting here trying to turn this weekend around into something good, like I'd hoped. It's been just too strange, and too sad at times the last few days.

I thought I'd written something about it back when I mentioned I'd been away a couple of days, but (strangely), it's gone; perhaps I accidentally deleted it when putting it behind a cut?

Anyway, I was looking forward to a great, mild Fourth of July weekend, to catch up on the yard, and get my house ready for guests (and finally re-create, at least partially, my LOTR room!). But I ended up getting up at 4 am Thursday morning to fly/drive to my dad's. His stepson was killed last weekend. I didn't know him well; he was the older of two sons of the woman my dad married after he and my mom split up, and he "went bad" in his teens: got into drugs, stole from his family, and left, and they've been estranged ever since. Turns out he'd married a woman with kids a little while ago, still into drugs, and apparently got killed buying drugs. Sad. And so unreal to have somebody you know in that situation. Then to have the widow and her daughter there at the funeral, among people they don't know (very conservative, older people), who are judging them the whole time?

I can't imagine what it was like for them. I don't like drugs - hell, I hate them - but they were a family, and the daughter, who was very mature for 14, said he was happy. And from the photos that they brought to the funeral, they looked like a normal family - the kids were healthy and smiling, they had two dogs, and their place was simple but nice. And yet they were into drugs - how can you raise a family and do drugs? He looked so different in the pics from when he was a teenager. His face looked very drawn and his cheeks shallow - almost like a marathon runner's. On the other hand, his wife was in great shape, tanned, with thick dark hair. She actually looked the daughter's age - especially since she wore tennis shoes, a little skirt, and a halter top to the funeral. She had tattooed wings all down her back. Yet, again, not what you'd expect; I really felt for her - and, of course, for the kids. She said he thought the world of them and would do anything for them.

So that was a very sad and surreal way to spend Thursday and Friday, although I'm glad I went. I and my brother's family took over cleaning the house and setting up the "dinner" afterwards, and gave lots of hugs. My dad's wife has always been very welcoming to us, and while I debated going or not, since I wasn't close with the deceased, it just felt right to be there to support her.

The rest of the weekend has been just as strange. I slept most of Friday and Saturday, when I wasn't on the Internet, and missed the most gorgeous, mild and sunny day of the summer so far (Saturday). Last night I let out my white cat, who rarely goes out, but who has had a hankering for grass lately - and forgot about her! Well, she never goes far, so when I realized I'd forgotten about her, I went out and expected to see her on the front step, but - no cat. I walked all over the neighborhood calling for her, figuring she'd be scared and run to me if she heard me. Nope. I got to the point where I was sure I'd turn the corner and find her dead body in the middle of the street. When I finally saw her - she ran away! I spent half an hour talking her into letting me close enough to grab her, while she periodically ran across the street and scared me half to death that she'd get run over. Strange.

And this morning, when I thought my weekend would finally get into gear, I found a dead squirrel as I was doing yard work. Worse... I think it was dead because of me. (Lorna, don't read any further, as this has to do with moths - but be aware that you should never leave opened birdseed bags inside!) I had left opened birdseed bags inside and got a moth infestation (mealworm moths), so I tossed them outside, along with some corn on the cob that I had for squirrels. I meant to put them in the garage with the trash once the bugs had dispersed, but this happened just before the funeral, so I forgot. Realized yesterday that the corn had grown fungus, which, of course, would not be good for the squirrels! Forgot to put it in the garage again, but remembered this morning. But I'm afraid the squirrel must have eaten it and died. It could have been something else, but he looked pretty healthy. Damn, damn, damn, damn, damn!!! Here I am, an animal-lover, and I probably just killed the squirrel that lives in my yard, that I like! God, I feel so awful about it. If only I'd put the stuff in the garage, rather than be too tired or spaced out to do it. Damn it.

So, that's been my strange, sad weekend so far. *shakes head* You never know what life's going to throw you, do you? So that's why I've been watching old LOTR stuff on the discs... always comforting. *S* Anyway, thanks for letting me vent this all out! Okay, weekend, time to change direction...
!