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Somedays you're up, somedays you're down... - "You didn't hear about the polar bear?"
July 3rd, 2005
10:45 am

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Somedays you're up, somedays you're down...
Just sitting here trying to turn this weekend around into something good, like I'd hoped. It's been just too strange, and too sad at times the last few days.

I thought I'd written something about it back when I mentioned I'd been away a couple of days, but (strangely), it's gone; perhaps I accidentally deleted it when putting it behind a cut?

Anyway, I was looking forward to a great, mild Fourth of July weekend, to catch up on the yard, and get my house ready for guests (and finally re-create, at least partially, my LOTR room!). But I ended up getting up at 4 am Thursday morning to fly/drive to my dad's. His stepson was killed last weekend. I didn't know him well; he was the older of two sons of the woman my dad married after he and my mom split up, and he "went bad" in his teens: got into drugs, stole from his family, and left, and they've been estranged ever since. Turns out he'd married a woman with kids a little while ago, still into drugs, and apparently got killed buying drugs. Sad. And so unreal to have somebody you know in that situation. Then to have the widow and her daughter there at the funeral, among people they don't know (very conservative, older people), who are judging them the whole time?

I can't imagine what it was like for them. I don't like drugs - hell, I hate them - but they were a family, and the daughter, who was very mature for 14, said he was happy. And from the photos that they brought to the funeral, they looked like a normal family - the kids were healthy and smiling, they had two dogs, and their place was simple but nice. And yet they were into drugs - how can you raise a family and do drugs? He looked so different in the pics from when he was a teenager. His face looked very drawn and his cheeks shallow - almost like a marathon runner's. On the other hand, his wife was in great shape, tanned, with thick dark hair. She actually looked the daughter's age - especially since she wore tennis shoes, a little skirt, and a halter top to the funeral. She had tattooed wings all down her back. Yet, again, not what you'd expect; I really felt for her - and, of course, for the kids. She said he thought the world of them and would do anything for them.

So that was a very sad and surreal way to spend Thursday and Friday, although I'm glad I went. I and my brother's family took over cleaning the house and setting up the "dinner" afterwards, and gave lots of hugs. My dad's wife has always been very welcoming to us, and while I debated going or not, since I wasn't close with the deceased, it just felt right to be there to support her.

The rest of the weekend has been just as strange. I slept most of Friday and Saturday, when I wasn't on the Internet, and missed the most gorgeous, mild and sunny day of the summer so far (Saturday). Last night I let out my white cat, who rarely goes out, but who has had a hankering for grass lately - and forgot about her! Well, she never goes far, so when I realized I'd forgotten about her, I went out and expected to see her on the front step, but - no cat. I walked all over the neighborhood calling for her, figuring she'd be scared and run to me if she heard me. Nope. I got to the point where I was sure I'd turn the corner and find her dead body in the middle of the street. When I finally saw her - she ran away! I spent half an hour talking her into letting me close enough to grab her, while she periodically ran across the street and scared me half to death that she'd get run over. Strange.

And this morning, when I thought my weekend would finally get into gear, I found a dead squirrel as I was doing yard work. Worse... I think it was dead because of me. (Lorna, don't read any further, as this has to do with moths - but be aware that you should never leave opened birdseed bags inside!) I had left opened birdseed bags inside and got a moth infestation (mealworm moths), so I tossed them outside, along with some corn on the cob that I had for squirrels. I meant to put them in the garage with the trash once the bugs had dispersed, but this happened just before the funeral, so I forgot. Realized yesterday that the corn had grown fungus, which, of course, would not be good for the squirrels! Forgot to put it in the garage again, but remembered this morning. But I'm afraid the squirrel must have eaten it and died. It could have been something else, but he looked pretty healthy. Damn, damn, damn, damn, damn!!! Here I am, an animal-lover, and I probably just killed the squirrel that lives in my yard, that I like! God, I feel so awful about it. If only I'd put the stuff in the garage, rather than be too tired or spaced out to do it. Damn it.

So, that's been my strange, sad weekend so far. *shakes head* You never know what life's going to throw you, do you? So that's why I've been watching old LOTR stuff on the discs... always comforting. *S* Anyway, thanks for letting me vent this all out! Okay, weekend, time to change direction...
!

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From:hobbitgrrl
Date:July 3rd, 2005 05:13 pm (UTC)
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*hugs* well it is a long weekend.. here's hoping it starts looking up.
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From:rosamundeb
Date:July 3rd, 2005 07:47 pm (UTC)
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Thanks... sorry to torture you guys with such a long strange entry.

Like your icon - at first I thought it was a seashore!
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From:ninquelosse
Date:July 3rd, 2005 05:44 pm (UTC)
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Oh, Ros. I'm so sorry. I'm sure your dad's wife appreciated the support you gave. I feel for her son's family; if his stepdaughter is right, though, they did bring him some of the happiness he must have been looking for.

With all that on your plate it's not surprising you didn't realize about the corn. Please don't let it get you too down.

(((((((((((Ros)))))))))))
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From:rosamundeb
Date:July 3rd, 2005 07:50 pm (UTC)
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Thanks, Ninq. ((((((((hugs)))))))
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From:green_ghost
Date:July 3rd, 2005 05:57 pm (UTC)
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What a bizarre weekend you are having. That funeral sounds so surreal, very good of you to attend. Poor squirrely. We have tons of them (and the neighbours hate us, cause the squirrelys know where to come to get free peanuts), and I'm always sad when I see one who didn't look both ways.
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From:rosamundeb
Date:July 3rd, 2005 07:52 pm (UTC)
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True... I'm actually hoping it was that, and not my corn, but...

Actually, I think I need CSI here! Doesn't look like a car accident (he was lying facing the street), but if he was sick, wouldn't he have crawled into the bushes or some other safe place to die? Strange, very strange!
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From:cyloran
Date:July 3rd, 2005 05:57 pm (UTC)
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When it rains it pours. In all sorts of things. I'm sorry to hear about you dad's stepson. I'm glad you were there to help support the wife and kids. At times like that, such kindness is what helps people cope with the pain and the loss.

I'm sorry to hear about the squirrel as well, but don't be so hasty to blame yourself because of the corn. They eat much worse on the streets and neighborhoods and survive. I suspect there may be some other culpret other some fuzzy corn. *hugs muchly*
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From:rosamundeb
Date:July 3rd, 2005 07:53 pm (UTC)
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Doesn't it? Let's hope it's not a case of "bad things come in threes"! It was scary enough with my one cat last night. *hugs back*
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From:quiet_moments
Date:July 3rd, 2005 06:40 pm (UTC)
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{{{{{{{{ HUGS }}}}}}}
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From:rosamundeb
Date:July 3rd, 2005 07:54 pm (UTC)
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Thank you. *hugs back*
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From:psyknife
Date:July 3rd, 2005 06:52 pm (UTC)
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I think you did the right thing by going. That is a sad circumstance, though. I just don't understand how someone who has a family can get themselves into stuff like that. For example, the guy who does roomservice where I work is the nicest guy in the world, but he has a drinking problem. He also has a finace and a three year old daughter with her. He always talks about how much he loves his daughter, but then he'll talk about how smashed he got the previous night. I always mother him and shake my head at him. I just don't understand how you can love someone so much but risk your own life to do things that are supposidly "fun." I wish he'd turn around, because it makes me worry for his fiance and daughter.
In other news... your cat sounds like mine. I know that if she ever got outside that I'd never catch her. She'd run from me. Heck, she ran away from me when she got out into the hallway of my apt building in Chicago... I'm just glad that it was only the hallway and that she didn't get outside. I always scold my parents for hanging by the door with it open because I'm afraid she'll run out and I'll never see her again.
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From:rosamundeb
Date:July 3rd, 2005 07:56 pm (UTC)
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I know... and if they get married, you worry that he's risking other people's lives, too!

Crazy Frodo - I bet she'd come back again, though. Like I said, my cat was acting very, very strangely. I wonder what happened to her outside - a run-in with another cat? something else? She's still acting strangely; hopefully it's just temporary.
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From:spookystoy
Date:July 3rd, 2005 07:38 pm (UTC)
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*hugs* Wishing you a better summer. I'm sure your father's wife appreciated your support.
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From:rosamundeb
Date:July 3rd, 2005 07:56 pm (UTC)
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Thank you very much - *s*.
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From:anonypooh
Date:July 3rd, 2005 08:13 pm (UTC)
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I made you an icon.

good to hear Emmy is still running around even if she is naughty .. haven't heard about her in a while. What's she doing that's so odd, bless her - apart from running you ragged?

bet the squirrel was a road victim and nothing to do with you... even if it was not immediate.
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From:anonypooh
Date:July 3rd, 2005 08:26 pm (UTC)
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do what? .. even I am aware that last sentence doesn't make sense! ... I mean - just because he's not ON the road - doesn't mean he didn't come in contact with one of them there cars.
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From:zanne68
Date:July 3rd, 2005 09:45 pm (UTC)
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I know exactly how you felt when your cat disappeared. Mine got out of his harness last week and was gone for an hour, apparently just in the neighbor's yard. I was becoming a wreck looking for him. He tried to get away from me, too, when I tried to pick him up. Even hissed at me. I figure his wilder instincts were kicking in, and he knew I would take him back inside, where he didn't want to go. He was just having too much fun out there.

Have you ever tried growing a patch of grass inside? They have packets in pet stores, precisely for satisfying kitties urge for a salad. I've had them once in a while, and Tig loves 'em.

Hope things start getting brighter for you this week. *hugs*
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From:rosamundeb
Date:July 3rd, 2005 10:46 pm (UTC)
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What a cute kitty pic!

Well, my other one goes out all the time - with me. We walk together (I started him out in a harness, but now he sticks with me). I've learned that if you don't punish them for running off, then they will come when called when you find they do go off. (I pick them up and talk to them firmly, but no spanking or yelling). And, as I said, the other usually sticks close! I let her out when the other came in, thinking "she always stays close; I'll open the door in 5 minutes" - and then forgot all about her for at least an hour! *facepalms*

*L*! My cats tug the plot of grass out of the container and spread it everywhere. *G* And, of course, throw up! But thanks for the suggestion; glad it works for Tig.

Thanks - and I love the icon. *S*
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From:aeb
Date:July 4th, 2005 08:56 am (UTC)
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{thoughtful look} What kind of fungus was it? Because some kinds of fungus really don't hurt, especially in moderate amounts. White and green fuzz, for instance, tends to be penicillium, at least around here. That doesn't hurt; we get penicillin from it. (It can taste awful, but it won't kill you. {smile}) Other kinds of fungus can be more problematical; some are okay, while others aren't at all. {small smile}

Anne Elizabeth Baldwin
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From:rosamundeb
Date:July 4th, 2005 02:17 pm (UTC)
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Oh, I know... but even penicillin can hurt you - if you're me. *S*
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